Humble Tidbits of Vacuity

This past Saturday, my parents had a garage sale. Actually, it’s an annual street sale, with several houses on the street having garage sales at the same time. These are really good. Even though there’s a lot of competition with other people on the street, everyone does pretty well because of the sheer volume of customers.

My parents, as they have gotten older, have lost everything that remotely resembles patience. The very first person to peruse our wares was an older guy in his late 50’s, maybe early to mid-60’s. Sagging jowls, flannel shirt, cap (the kind with the plastic mesh in the back) askew. He was greeted by my dad. Here’s what happened:

Dad: Morning! Looking for anything in particular?
Customer: Nah, not really. Just looking.
Dad: (with an exasperated sigh) I understand that but, dammit, if there’s something you’re looking for, I can tell you right now if we have it or if we don’t. That way, you can get on with your day instead of moping around here.
Customer: Got any skillets?
Dad: Nope. (pointing to mom) She’s the one into skillets, and they’re all upstairs in our kitchen. Not for sale.
Customer: Yeah, I got me about 400 or so.
Dad: 400? You must be from Kentucky.
(Oddly awkward pause)
Dad: Originally, I mean.
Customer: (nodding) Yeah, yeah. Originally.
Dad: You people sure love your skillets.

I shook my head and went inside, afraid to witness any more. 8:02am. 7 hours to go, and my dad had already been condescending to a customer and come across as some type of Kentucky-hating racist or something. Now, I know my dad didn’t mean anything derogatory with his “You people (from Kentucky) sure love your skillets” comment. In his mind, he was attempting to build a rapport through humor. But…wow. It so did NOT work.

My mom, on the other hand, came across as an overbearing security guard. She would follow people around…like right next to them…looking over their shoulder making sure they didn’t shoplift anything. On more than one occasion, she indirectly accused someone of not paying her all the money that was owed. Of course, my mom had gotten confused on the price, or there were 2 bills stuck together or something. It wouldn’t have surprised me one bit if my mom had bitten down on each coin that was handed to her, just to make sure it was real.

I’ll never understand the way mom decides on prices. My mom priced a 6 CD Garth Brooks Boxed Set at $7.50. She also priced a used razor at $4.00. She was genuinely shocked that the razor didn’t sell.

Mom: That razor costs $8.00 at the store. I can’t believe no one bought it.

Nor will I understand my parents total unwillingness to negotiate price. My dad had a 6-foot ladder for sale for $50. He had purchased it when they lived in Hyde Park, where the ceilings were higher. But the ladder won’t even stand up in the house they live in now. Quite a few people seemed interested in the ladder until they heard the price. This is how almost every conversation went:

Customer(s): How much for the ladder?
Dad: That’d be $50.
Customer(s): Would you take $40?
Dad: Nope. I think we’ve priced this fairly. These cost about $150 at the store. It’s practically new. Bought it when we lived in Hyde Park and I think we maybe used it twice. So…$50.
Customer(s): Okay, thanks then.

Then they would leave.

My dad didn’t sell the ladder, of course. After the sale, he mentioned that he was probably just going to give it to Junior…whoever that is. Could be a guy at dad’s work, could be a friend of his down in Falmouth, Kentucky. Doesn’t matter. He could have made $40 dollars off that ladder any time he wanted to, but instead he’s just going to give it away. I just don’t get it.

Sunday, L and I took the kids to the zoo. Sure, we walked around and saw some animals, but the main reason for going there was to see Spider-Man, Wolverine, and Spider-Girl. When Spider-Man came out, Z had the biggest smile on his face and was clapping ferociously. Almost made me cry to see that, considering how big a Spider-Man fan I am. The heroes did a show at the amphitheater where they talked about what it meant to be a super-hero and how everyone is special in some way or another. Then there were trivia questions and prizes. S (with a little help from me) answered the question “What is Spider-Girl’s real name?” and won a Spider-Man 30th Anniversary Four Card Hologram Set. She then gave me a great big hug and said, “Thank you, Daddy. You helped me win this!” That just totally made my day!

It started raining a few minutes later so the show was moved inside the Zoo Gallery. This was so not planned, and there wasn’t a lot of room to do the show they were planning on doing so they continued asking trivia questions about the Marvel Universe. When they ran out of those questions, they started asking thing’s like, “Uhhhh….who has an arm?” and “What’s your favorite color?” Kids were getting prizes left and right. It was actually pretty fun. Then Wolverine said, “OK, uhhhh…what’s Ohio’s state flower?” Everyone got quiet…except S. She was waving her arms and jumping up and down, so Wolverine called on her.

Confidently, she said, “The Scarlet Carnation.”

Wolverine, Spider-Man, and Spider-Girl looked at each other for confirmation because, clearly, none of them had a clue. I heard several parents of other children whispering to each other, “Is that right?” “Wow, that little girl knew it.” “I can’t believe it.” Wolverine finally said, “Uhhhh…She’s right, of course she’s right.” And so, S won another Spider-Man 30th Anniversary Four Card Hologram Set.

On the way home from the zoo, S said, “I can see how paying attention in school can help you with things in your everyday life. If I didn’t pay attention in class when we were learning about Ohio, I wouldn’t have gotten this prize!”

EXCELLENT!!!

This post was hand-crafted especially for you by Kevin at 11:54 AM |